Childhood Threats


This pumpkin man got sent to me via email.  I opened it, laughed and thought of my mother.  She is Irish and feisty.  God bless her, as the mother of five rowdy kids she had to have a good sense of humor and creative disciplinarian skills.

Once in a car ride, as us kids were acting up in the back seat, she turned around and spat, “If you kids don’t shut up, I’m going to come back there and rearrange your faces!”  My mom’s face was a scary purple color that meant she wasn’t fooling around.  For a moment, silence hung suspended in the air like an ominous rain cloud.  Then it burst open in a crescendo of laughter as we realized the ridiculousness of this threat, until even my mom was giggling at herself.

I also remember my mom hated when we said something along the lines of, “But Mom, so-and-so’s parents do…” before you could finish the statement, my mom jumped in with, “I don’t give a flying f*ck through a donut hole what so and so’s parents do.  You are my kid and in this family we think for ourselves.”

When my oldest sister went to high school, my mom had a whole new set of challenges.  Now she had to deal with the ‘I’m too cool for parents’ stage that most young adolescents go through.  One day my mom picked up my sister and her neighborhood friend from high school.  She overheard this friend whisper, “Hurry up before they see we are going home with you mother.”  When they got in the car, my mom turned around and said, “If you want to be embarrassed by me, I’ll give you something to be embarrassed about…I have absolutely no problem mooning all your friends.”  She got out of the driver seat and moved to the back of the van hands on her jean zipper.  The neighborhood friend squeaked, “Please no, please don’t do that.”  Satisfied with the reaction my mom slowly made her way back to the driver seat without exposing her backside.  It was the last time the neighborhood friend ever drove home with us.  All I can say is that my mom is a one-of-a-kind gem; she made growing up memorable and fun with expressions that were truly priceless.


A Warrior Princess


4 comments on “Childhood Threats

  1. Anonymous says:

    Moms are what really make a difference in life.. you only get one and when they are here there is no better feeling……

    I’m glad that a pumpkin ass crack reminds you of your mom… It reminds me of my dad.. ;-D

  2. Anonymous says:

    I FREAKING LOVE your mother!!!! Gosh this story made me smile and miss her!! If only she knew you wrote that about her haha- does she get your blog? xoxo- your old same

  3. Anonymous says:

    What’s so great is that I remember that car and I am laugh so hard right now!

  4. Anonymous says:

    I’m the mother. I’ll tell you one thing if anyone really believed me that I would show my buttocks to anyone, they had to be a real fool. The pumpkin man has a much better bum than me.

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