I have a theory that life works off of a binary code, just like computers work off a combination of binary digits 0 and 1. Most relationships in life have two polar opposites with a spectrum of possibilities in-between. You can think of this visually- black/white with gray scale between. Or linearly, like a yard stick with two ends and a measuring grade in-between. I like the seesaw image because here we can see the weight distribution of balance; too much of one thing leaves one end grounded and the other hopelessly dangling in the air. BALANCE is key.
The Giver/Taker relationship; one feeds off the other. My theory goes that at birth we were each predisposed to be either a giver or a taker, no judgment should be made on which card you were given. You were a baby and had no choice, just like you couldn’t choose the shape of your nose. As we grow into adults many factors mold and shape those natural giver/taker tendencies. For example, if you were born into a large, close knit family that functions as one large unit, then most likely you developed more giving qualities as you were expected to GIVE to that unit. However, if you were born without a parent or grew up in a household lacking in love, then you probably developed more taking qualities to provide for your needs. At one point I think it’s your job to do the soul searching and figure out where you naturally fall on this giving/taking yard stick of life, so that your relationships are balanced.
When I first asked myself, “Hey Warrior Princess, how do we measure up?” I was placed on an interesting journey. First, I realized by nature I was on the extreme end of the giver spectrum. (no surprise, as I am often by nature on the extreme end of things). Then, I started examining all my relationships (business, intimate, friends, acquaintances, sibling, ect..) through this giver/taker lens. A whole new world unfolded in which I could understand my own frustrations, anger and life disappointments as energy misplacement. If I constantly give to people who are not reciprocating, then I deplete my own energy supply. Shame on me. Often, I’ve played the fool stuck up on the top of the seesaw with legs dangling yelling down, yelling, “Heyyyy, what the heck man! Let me down!”
It took some time for the bitter after taste of playing the fool to dissipate before a deeper level of understanding to surface. The people in my life I resented weren’t bad people. It’s not that they wished me ill will or didn’t respect me. I had a lot of agency here, most of the time I was giving without even being asked because it’s naturally easy for me to give of myself. However, to keep my relationships in a healthy balance meant directing more of my giving energy inward. I call this the practice of “self-love”. To my givers of the world, to my mothers of the world, start taking time for yourself. Everyone benefits when you are in balance. To my takers of the world, dig deep and doll out little gifts of your heart. Trust me it feels good to make someone else smile throughout the day. We need more balance and smiles in this crazy world.
A Warrior Princess