Envy: A green Nile of blood flowing through my system until thoughts turned toxic, consumed with a longing for something other than what I already have. Of all the sins, envy is the least indulgent.
Vegas: We were driving in Georgie’s car to Hoover dam. I sat in the back seat watching the flat landscape pass by; eyes fixated on the distant horizon marked my mountain peaks.
“Can you see the snow caps?” Georgie asked, pointing his finger to the horizon.
I nodded, “Yep.”
“You use to live in Park City, right?” Georgie shot over his shoulder.
“Oh man, I wanted to make it out there this year. Haven’t been there yet, but I was twice to Mamomoth and Heavenly.”
“I heard the snow’s been good.” I said.
He continued to talk shop and I remembered what it felt like to ski down a mountain of fresh powder; snow peeling away, shooting up from under my skis and spraying back into my face. A sensation that feels like flying. I breathed in searching for the scent of high-altitude, fresh mountain air. Instead I got a whiff of Cece’s mango scented perfume.
“Yeaaaah. Its been a good season.”
I bit my lip and swallowed back a familiar feeling of failure, of coming back east and settling into an office job. My inner child saw those peaks and she yearned for a simpler time, a no worries state of existence where snow accumulation was the top concern of the day. In that moment, knowing that I am exactly where I need to be to accomplish a whole new set of dreams didn’t matter. Knowing that I was going to go skiing in Tahoe in less than a month was of no comfort. Inside I laughed because my adult self can be just as extreme and impatient, wanting it all right now. I reminded myself to let it go, let the feelings wash through you and not judge their passing.
Monte interjected, pointing to a sign.
“Check out this dam town. I wonder what the dam cops do with all these dam tourist passing through.”
The light turned from yellow to red. Monte continued,
“Dam lights, always changing just as we approach. Georgie, pull over so we can take a dam picture. I’m sorry guys but these dam jokes are just too dam funny to stop.”
Not giving a dam,
A Warrior Princess
Ps. I will be offline next week; my inner child has some powder to reckon with. I’ll catch y’all on the flip.