I left work early on Tuesday because of queasy stomach issues. The walk home was a miserable one, slowed down by random dry heaving attacks. When I got home, I dropped my bags to the floor and laid starfish style on my bed, grateful for its cushion and design. I woke up three hours later in a daze trying to figure out what the heck was going on with my body, running through a list of possible symptoms and causes. My self-diagnosis process is changing because I am taking more of a holistic, eastern approach to my healthcare. In Eastern medicine the body is seen to have three distinct parts- the spiritual, the mental and the physical. In a healthy body all of these parts co-exist in harmony. In unhealthy bodies it is often believed that illness presents itself in the physical form last and this is an indicator that problems are being ignored on the spiritual and mental planes.
I laid there still in my work dress giving my spiritual, mental and physical bodies a scan. A wave of acidic stomach juice swirled around my ribs. I grimaced and rolled over mortified that I was possibly suffering from indigestion, acid reflux or a stomach ulcer. God how lame, I lamented, Am I really going to be one of those women with stress induced ulcers? I felt this wash of failure run through me, a feeling that I had all the knowledge I needed to be a healthy and happy individual but I was slipping on the application of it. More stomach juices swirled to the surface.
I called my brother. I was hoping he’d swing by with some magical veggie concoction to realign my physical, spiritual and mental bodies. During our conversation, a moth shot across my bedroom. I searched to see where the moth landed and found it perched on one of my framed postcards.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” I yelled into my brother’s ear. “It’s not a moth, it’s not a moth.” I jumped onto my bed staring at the man beast of a cockroach.
“OMG…it’s a cockroach with wings…I have to get off the phone.”
* * *
Below is the text message exchange that happened over the course of an hour between my brother and me as I battled Da Roach. (I am in red)
–Fuck lost cockroach
-Just kill it and chill out
–I can’t find it
-Go to your little store downstairs and get some spray for when you do find it.
–This is not good for my indegestion (a word I can’t even spell!!!!)
–The fucker just appeared…I’m going in.
–Omg I’m not sure if I hit n killed it or if it’s hiding hurt but I’m pretty sure I got a piece
–No carcass to be found …bah! Friday the 13th ova here
–What kind of warrior am I to be so scared of a flying, massive, sewage-water-slurping critter lurking somewhere in the dark….mommmmmmy
-Ure better that that
–A sighting…he is in the fire place…burn fucker burn. I’m going in
–I’m in full out battle…it lives…this be the granddaddy
-You should start taking activia….Yogurt w/ Jamie lee Curtis on it….supposed to be good for your stomach.
–I’m on the battlefield and you are talkin activia, unbelievable
–It went for the laundry basket and I went crazy ninja warrior on it. (insert: picture above)
-Nice work young jedi
–This was horrible
–Now I feel bugs everywhere
-Huff some raid
Death by Flip Flop,
A Warrior Princess