Travel Logs

Last year after I posted Valiant Gent Moves many readers approached me requesting I share more relationship stories. Inspired from their response I will be running a series for the next couple of months called, Travel Logs. This series will explore, share and tell different life experiences I’ve had in foreign lands, in America and with members of the opposite sex. However, it will still be fiction in the sense that I will be taking creative liberties with temporal timing and the fine print details. I reserve the right to embellish and elaborate where I see fit for the betterment of the story.

 

Backside Reverb
Philadelphia, Pa/Park City, Utah

I was naive as a teenager. I thought the laws of attraction were simple and straightforward. I couldn’t imagine anyone under 5’7” being physically attracted to me because of my 5’9 ½” frame. I know that I am 5’9 ½” because I’ve been measured at most of my high school parties. In college this theory was proved wrong. It happened one night at the Draught Horse. It was college night which meant $2 bottles, really good DJ’s and a whole lot of dancing.

It was towards the end of the night when most of the dance floor had filtered out. My girlfriends and I remained dancing dramatically to Madonna’s “Like a Prayer”. I was singing, “When you call my name, it’s like a little prayer”. I reverently clasped my hands and dropped to one knee. “I’m down on my knees; I want to take you there.” I spun to my side and met the gaze of a little fella who was standing erect. As the song continued, “In the midnight hour, I can feel your power” the dwarf thrust his pelvis in my direction in an Elvis Presley type way. I was shocked on so many levels I didn’t know what to do but continue dancing. For the rest of the night the dwarf kept saddling up next to me and trying to dance. It was a tad uncomfortable but also entertaining. However, after that night the dwarf randomly popped up on campus like my shadow. Finally one night at the Draught Horse he asked for my number to take me out on a date. I refused. He asked if it was because he was too short. I shrugged and nodded apologetically.

“You bitch.” He spat. “I can’t believe this, you’ve been leading me on for weeks.”

At first I felt apologetic and then offended. Before I could respond the dwarf disappeared in a huff. It was the last time I saw him.

Three years later I was in Park City, Utah. It was a random Tuesday night. My friend Dylan and I were drinking at a local pub when a mutual friend came through with free tickets to the Q-Tip concert going on next door. Elated we accepted the tickets and switched from drinking beer to drinking vodka. The vibe inside the club felt like Philly, the place was hype and I was excited to dance to rap music. Dylan went to get us drinks when Q-tip started to play “Breathe and stop”. I was in the groove moving my hips and thighs with the music when all of a sudden my ass went thwack against a brick wall. I turned expecting to see a pole or some sort of structure only to find the side of a man’s face red with the imprint of my behind on it. The dwarf smiled back at me turning his face and pointing to the other side.

Ass Slaps,
A Warrior Princess

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2 comments on “Travel Logs

  1. Anonymous says:

    You never cease to amaze me!!!!!

  2. Julie with an E says:

    hilarious!!

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