There are times for being positive, smiling, and frolicking in happiness. In fact, choosing and trying to be positive is an optimal way of life. But positivity is tactically used to smear a pretty shade of yellow paint over a wall of mold and decay; a convenient facade that doesn’t last long. Trust me, I love the fleeting moments when I’m in a state of divine flow, full of positivity and synchronicity with mother earth and the universe. But God love me, I don’t know how to earnestly be optimistic without releasing some of the negative bile I’m asked to consume and swallow daily bile that compounds and builds upon itself, threatening toxicity. And here is the real crux — some of this bile is issued by the people you most love and trust, the people you don’t speak against in public, those you don’t want to offend, those you strive to protect. But guess what. A lot of the times this bottling up of emotion, of being someone else’s punching bag, even if you’re good at taking the blows, only hurts your higher self. Short term, fine, we all take our turns. But long term, it’s as threatening to the psyche as cancer. Make no mistake about it, toxicity levels are that high.
Of course, we are all human, we all fuck up, and we all seek forgiveness and need to be forgiven. We all want to love and be loved. These are basic human needs and yearnings. But trust me when I say sometimes love isn’t enough. Life’s equation is too complex to be reduced to just one constant. And sometimes sorry isn’t enough either. Sometimes people who apologize to me never receive full forgiveness because they don’t deserve it, and they aren’t really seeking it. Instead they are seeking a guilt-free night’s sleep. They aren’t willing or able to own their offense; they can’t embody the words “sorry” with action. Sometimes it’s almost impossible to accept this truth, this limitation of spirit, especially from mentors, lovers, friends and family you hold in high esteem. But it’s important to honor your own standards, to ask those who seek forgiveness to do better than mere lip service, to show up, and make appropriate amends. The crux, of course, is that if you demand this treatment of others, you will be asked to reciprocate it when the time comes. And the time always comes.
A Warrior Princess